That one time I almost quit my job.
I almost quit my dream job earlier this year.
Let me explain.
I have wanted to be a teacher my ENTIRE life. (well besides when I was 6 and was for sure going to become a famous singer and a short time around 9 when I considered being a dog trainer) But from 10 years old on there was no other career in sight. By the time I was 14 I had decided that I wanted to teach Kindergarten. I babysat more than any of my friends, benefiting from being one of the few teenagers in my neighborhood. I taught preschool in high school, job shadowed for a Kindergarten classroom for my senior project, took 3rd in the state at the FCCLA competition for early childhood education. While my friends worried about college majors and careers, I selected one of the best teaching programs in the state and only applied to that university. I never, ever second guessed my choice. Not once. Even when I took a break from school to serve my mission I always knew when I came back I would finish my degree and go teach. Back in school the best compliment I have ever received in my entire life was when my early childhood professor (secretly my life role model) told me that if she were still a principal she would have hired me. I legit think it's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me. When the day finally came that I got my diploma and the even happier day a few weeks later when I accepted my first job offer to teach Kindergarten I was over the moon with joy.
On the way home from my first day as a teacher I cried I was so happy.
That's not to say there weren't any ups and downs that first year. But I knew that if I just kept going that it would get better. So I did. And by the last day of the school year I was so overcome by what I had accomplished. My sappy instragram post was something along the lines of "my classroom is empty but my heart is full"
My friends literally make fun of me for how often I talk about my job. I joke that I have the best job in the entire world and I will fight you if you think yours is better than mine. Because I get to spend my day surrounded by little humans who think I am one of the coolest people on the planet. Who compliment me when I look slightly homeless. Who give me sneak attack hugs out of no where and don't always understand personal space. Who laugh at my lame jokes and horrible attempts at speaking with an accent. Have you ever seen the spark in a child's eye when they FINALLY understand what you have been trying to teach them? Have you ever sat in wonder as they are able to read to you, all on their own, sometimes for the very first time. I have and let me tell you it is one of the best feelings in the entire world.
But the reality is that most teachers don't make it past their 3rd year. And I don't blame them. Because being an educator is hard. It's exhausting. It drains you emotionally, physically, mentally, day after day after day. You jump through hoops to get funding, to keep your license, to appease some politician somewhere who has no clue what teaching 27 Kindergartners how to read even looks like, let alone doing it on your own in 3 hours a day.
I have wanted to be a teacher my whole life. Every major milestone of my life was pointing me to this career. Putting me on this path. Yet earlier this school year I couldn't help but pause and wonder what it would be like to walk away. Just go work in an office somewhere. To leave work at work when I went home for the day. To pee whenever I wanted and not just in the 35 minute "lunch break" I get each day. To not have to cut out lamination at my house and then be stuck finding remnants of it for the next 6 months. To be able to call in sick without wanting to sob my eyes out over writing lesson plans.
I didn't tell anyone I wanted to quit. How can you admit that your dream job was getting too hard? If I have the best job in the entire world why did I feel so tired all the time. I've been a crazy over achiever my entire life but I wasn't diagnosed with anxiety until the summer after my second year as a teacher. Would I be a failure if I just said this is too hard. I can't do it anymore? How could I face the world, my friends, my family and tell them that my dream job was just too hard.
And then Covid 19 hit. And all of a sudden my classroom was empty. Frozen on March 12th. The class schedule still showing how we went to library that day. Our class party point totals stuck a handful of points away from their goal. No giggles to be heard. Not one messy handprint to be found. More than once I stood in that empty classroom and cried. When the announcement was made that school would be remote for the rest of the year I cried again. I mourned for the time I had taken away. A third of my year gone. Precious time lost. Then it hit me. I could never walk away from this job. If this hurt so much what would it be like to never get to have my room full of kids again. To have a gross cubicle instead of a bright and happy classroom. To be stuck talking to adults all day long who just don't understand the real benefit of being silly for the sake of being silly. I doubt they would find my ability to sound like an elephant nearly as exciting as my Kindergarteners do. And my adult friends already think half of my jokes are lame and never want to tell me about their brothers new bike or show me the tooth they lost yesterday.
I didn't become a teacher because of the adults of the education world. (if I'm 100% honest the adult parts of my job are the ones I'm not overly fond of) I did it for the sweet faces I get to open the door each day and see. (That being said I do love the staff at my school, shout out to Black Ridge Elementary for being the absolute best. If I have to work with adults, you are for sure my people)
I became a teacher because I want to leave this world a better place than I found it. Because I want those kids in my classroom everyday to know that regardless of whatever else might be happening in their lives Miss Boudreaux loves them. And that they can do ANYTHING they set their minds to.
"The best thing about being a teacher is that it matters. The hardest thing about being a teacher is that it matters every day." -Todd Whitaker
Teachers matter. Education matters. My sincere hope is that after all of this is said and done maybe we will realize that a little more in our country. Because I don't want to give up this job. It's my dream. I just want to try and make it a little better for that next little girl who dreams of growing up and being a teacher.
Let's make a better world for her. And for us.
Love,
Nae
Let me explain.
I have wanted to be a teacher my ENTIRE life. (well besides when I was 6 and was for sure going to become a famous singer and a short time around 9 when I considered being a dog trainer) But from 10 years old on there was no other career in sight. By the time I was 14 I had decided that I wanted to teach Kindergarten. I babysat more than any of my friends, benefiting from being one of the few teenagers in my neighborhood. I taught preschool in high school, job shadowed for a Kindergarten classroom for my senior project, took 3rd in the state at the FCCLA competition for early childhood education. While my friends worried about college majors and careers, I selected one of the best teaching programs in the state and only applied to that university. I never, ever second guessed my choice. Not once. Even when I took a break from school to serve my mission I always knew when I came back I would finish my degree and go teach. Back in school the best compliment I have ever received in my entire life was when my early childhood professor (secretly my life role model) told me that if she were still a principal she would have hired me. I legit think it's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me. When the day finally came that I got my diploma and the even happier day a few weeks later when I accepted my first job offer to teach Kindergarten I was over the moon with joy.
On the way home from my first day as a teacher I cried I was so happy.
That's not to say there weren't any ups and downs that first year. But I knew that if I just kept going that it would get better. So I did. And by the last day of the school year I was so overcome by what I had accomplished. My sappy instragram post was something along the lines of "my classroom is empty but my heart is full"
My friends literally make fun of me for how often I talk about my job. I joke that I have the best job in the entire world and I will fight you if you think yours is better than mine. Because I get to spend my day surrounded by little humans who think I am one of the coolest people on the planet. Who compliment me when I look slightly homeless. Who give me sneak attack hugs out of no where and don't always understand personal space. Who laugh at my lame jokes and horrible attempts at speaking with an accent. Have you ever seen the spark in a child's eye when they FINALLY understand what you have been trying to teach them? Have you ever sat in wonder as they are able to read to you, all on their own, sometimes for the very first time. I have and let me tell you it is one of the best feelings in the entire world.
But the reality is that most teachers don't make it past their 3rd year. And I don't blame them. Because being an educator is hard. It's exhausting. It drains you emotionally, physically, mentally, day after day after day. You jump through hoops to get funding, to keep your license, to appease some politician somewhere who has no clue what teaching 27 Kindergartners how to read even looks like, let alone doing it on your own in 3 hours a day.
I have wanted to be a teacher my whole life. Every major milestone of my life was pointing me to this career. Putting me on this path. Yet earlier this school year I couldn't help but pause and wonder what it would be like to walk away. Just go work in an office somewhere. To leave work at work when I went home for the day. To pee whenever I wanted and not just in the 35 minute "lunch break" I get each day. To not have to cut out lamination at my house and then be stuck finding remnants of it for the next 6 months. To be able to call in sick without wanting to sob my eyes out over writing lesson plans.
I didn't tell anyone I wanted to quit. How can you admit that your dream job was getting too hard? If I have the best job in the entire world why did I feel so tired all the time. I've been a crazy over achiever my entire life but I wasn't diagnosed with anxiety until the summer after my second year as a teacher. Would I be a failure if I just said this is too hard. I can't do it anymore? How could I face the world, my friends, my family and tell them that my dream job was just too hard.
And then Covid 19 hit. And all of a sudden my classroom was empty. Frozen on March 12th. The class schedule still showing how we went to library that day. Our class party point totals stuck a handful of points away from their goal. No giggles to be heard. Not one messy handprint to be found. More than once I stood in that empty classroom and cried. When the announcement was made that school would be remote for the rest of the year I cried again. I mourned for the time I had taken away. A third of my year gone. Precious time lost. Then it hit me. I could never walk away from this job. If this hurt so much what would it be like to never get to have my room full of kids again. To have a gross cubicle instead of a bright and happy classroom. To be stuck talking to adults all day long who just don't understand the real benefit of being silly for the sake of being silly. I doubt they would find my ability to sound like an elephant nearly as exciting as my Kindergarteners do. And my adult friends already think half of my jokes are lame and never want to tell me about their brothers new bike or show me the tooth they lost yesterday.
I didn't become a teacher because of the adults of the education world. (if I'm 100% honest the adult parts of my job are the ones I'm not overly fond of) I did it for the sweet faces I get to open the door each day and see. (That being said I do love the staff at my school, shout out to Black Ridge Elementary for being the absolute best. If I have to work with adults, you are for sure my people)
I became a teacher because I want to leave this world a better place than I found it. Because I want those kids in my classroom everyday to know that regardless of whatever else might be happening in their lives Miss Boudreaux loves them. And that they can do ANYTHING they set their minds to.
"The best thing about being a teacher is that it matters. The hardest thing about being a teacher is that it matters every day." -Todd Whitaker
Teachers matter. Education matters. My sincere hope is that after all of this is said and done maybe we will realize that a little more in our country. Because I don't want to give up this job. It's my dream. I just want to try and make it a little better for that next little girl who dreams of growing up and being a teacher.
Let's make a better world for her. And for us.
Love,
Nae
Awww thank you for sharing. I grew up with a mom as a teacher and saw first hand how hard it was... which made me not ever want to do it. But watching you last year in the classroom seriously made me consider, maybe I could do it. She makes it look amazing, and fun, and handles the difficult kids so well! Thank you for being such a great teacher to Emmy! She had a wonderful kindergarten experience because of you!<3
ReplyDeleteOh thank you! That for sure brought a smile to my face ❤ I adored having Emmy in class! I'm always thankful for trusting parents who let me have a small part in their child's story
ReplyDelete