Shoot your shot
I learned something super important tonight while sitting in the temple. But before I get to that let me tell you how I ended up in the temple tonight.
If you know me then you know that I often joke that I am the definition of the word single. And I'm VERY good at being single. For a long time now my family has been trying to "help" me in my dating life. I have been very stubborn and said, "no thank you."
Well a few months ago my older brother decided to take it upon himself to become my dating coach. At the same time that my therapist decided to start talking to me about opening up and being vulnerable in relation to dating. At the same time that I started to get these subtle feelings that I needed to start dating more.
(this is just an example of how I am super stubborn so God has to send like A LOT of messages to me to stop being so hard headed. This happens to me more often than I care to admit....)
So my brother took over my dating life. And all of a sudden I am on the Mutual, an app I openly hate. I'm going on dates, I am spending time I would normally spend on my couch out with boys. It's a lot of changes from my normal let's chill at home by ourselves lifestyle I've been rocking for the past few years.
I develop a healthy dose of what I like to call "girl brain" It's where you over analyze every single small things in your life, especially in relation to boys. Keep in mind I also openly joke that I have the dating experience of a 12 year old. I hate dating, so I don't. But now I am. And girl brain is losing it. My anxiety is now in peak performance mode (it doesn't help that it's December which is the longest month of any school year, full of so much candy, singing, and Christmas lists that any Kindergarten teacher might just lose her ever loving mind) (also family stuff is happening because, life)
All of this led to me having just a weird day today. And as I was having a full on anxiety moment I had a prompting to go to the temple. So I did. And as I sat in the Celestial room praying I had an aha! moment.
For so long I have always thought that if I just lived right and made the right choices then surely the right guy for me would be out there. I would find him, he would be so excited to date me, we would fall in love and life would be great. I know that relationships are hard and anything worth having is worth working hard for. I also have a HUGE fear of rejections. I have basically kept my feelings to myself so that I don't have to be hurt. In the spirit of vulnerability and honesty I should probably admit that that fear stems from never feeling like anyone has ever wanted to date me. I've had a few almost relationships in my life but never have I had a guy meet me, get to know me, and go, ya! that's the girl I want to be around and spend time with. (I also should admit that there might have been boys who have liked me but I am slightly oblivious when it comes to dating so I've never noticed them... but as far as I have noticed not many are lining up to date me)
Do you know how often people are "shocked" to find out I have never really dated anyone before. Actual quotes include but are not limited it,
"But you are such a happy, smart, cute girl! You have your whole life together!"
"A cute blond girl like you is single"
"You've NEVER dated anyone? Like ever??"
(also sometimes they like don't fully believe me. Which is kinda confusing because like, why would I lie about that? It's more embarrassing to admit I've literally been single for forever than just lie and say I've dated people before.....) I don't get it either. But here we are.
And there I was sitting in the temple thinking about life. When all of the sudden the spirit just whispered, You just have to be brave. There are no guarantee's. Maybe I will get to have a love story like my parents or my grandparents that spans decades and generations. Maybe I won't. No one goes into a marriage wanting it to end. But they do. Maybe I will fall in love, but then again maybe my heart will get broken. I don't know. I'm not supposed to know.
Then the spirit whispered, "you've just got to shoot your shot."
Which to me means I've just got to try. Being vulnerable, letting people into our hearts and lives, is scary. And that's not just in dating and relationships. It can be being brave enough to admit you are struggling at work (also something I had to learn this past year.... it's been a time to be alive in the life of Denae haha) or maybe it's strengthening a bond with your parent or child. School, work, home, church, we have relationships EVERYWHERE and being vulnerable in any of them can be terrifying. We have no clue what the outcome will be. We have zero control over other people's choices. But we do control ours.
Maybe you are like me and super scared to open yourself up. I haven't done it yet so I can't give you any solid evidence that it's worth it, but I have a pretty strong inkling that it will be. Even if you fail, or get hurt, it's better than doing nothing. No growth happens inside your comfort zone. I know because I have a dating coach who has shoved me 17 miles outside of my own :)
Whatever it is you are waiting on, shoot your shot. You never know what might come.
Love,
Nae
If you know me then you know that I often joke that I am the definition of the word single. And I'm VERY good at being single. For a long time now my family has been trying to "help" me in my dating life. I have been very stubborn and said, "no thank you."
Well a few months ago my older brother decided to take it upon himself to become my dating coach. At the same time that my therapist decided to start talking to me about opening up and being vulnerable in relation to dating. At the same time that I started to get these subtle feelings that I needed to start dating more.
(this is just an example of how I am super stubborn so God has to send like A LOT of messages to me to stop being so hard headed. This happens to me more often than I care to admit....)
So my brother took over my dating life. And all of a sudden I am on the Mutual, an app I openly hate. I'm going on dates, I am spending time I would normally spend on my couch out with boys. It's a lot of changes from my normal let's chill at home by ourselves lifestyle I've been rocking for the past few years.
I develop a healthy dose of what I like to call "girl brain" It's where you over analyze every single small things in your life, especially in relation to boys. Keep in mind I also openly joke that I have the dating experience of a 12 year old. I hate dating, so I don't. But now I am. And girl brain is losing it. My anxiety is now in peak performance mode (it doesn't help that it's December which is the longest month of any school year, full of so much candy, singing, and Christmas lists that any Kindergarten teacher might just lose her ever loving mind) (also family stuff is happening because, life)
All of this led to me having just a weird day today. And as I was having a full on anxiety moment I had a prompting to go to the temple. So I did. And as I sat in the Celestial room praying I had an aha! moment.
For so long I have always thought that if I just lived right and made the right choices then surely the right guy for me would be out there. I would find him, he would be so excited to date me, we would fall in love and life would be great. I know that relationships are hard and anything worth having is worth working hard for. I also have a HUGE fear of rejections. I have basically kept my feelings to myself so that I don't have to be hurt. In the spirit of vulnerability and honesty I should probably admit that that fear stems from never feeling like anyone has ever wanted to date me. I've had a few almost relationships in my life but never have I had a guy meet me, get to know me, and go, ya! that's the girl I want to be around and spend time with. (I also should admit that there might have been boys who have liked me but I am slightly oblivious when it comes to dating so I've never noticed them... but as far as I have noticed not many are lining up to date me)
Do you know how often people are "shocked" to find out I have never really dated anyone before. Actual quotes include but are not limited it,
"But you are such a happy, smart, cute girl! You have your whole life together!"
"A cute blond girl like you is single"
"You've NEVER dated anyone? Like ever??"
(also sometimes they like don't fully believe me. Which is kinda confusing because like, why would I lie about that? It's more embarrassing to admit I've literally been single for forever than just lie and say I've dated people before.....) I don't get it either. But here we are.
And there I was sitting in the temple thinking about life. When all of the sudden the spirit just whispered, You just have to be brave. There are no guarantee's. Maybe I will get to have a love story like my parents or my grandparents that spans decades and generations. Maybe I won't. No one goes into a marriage wanting it to end. But they do. Maybe I will fall in love, but then again maybe my heart will get broken. I don't know. I'm not supposed to know.
Then the spirit whispered, "you've just got to shoot your shot."
Which to me means I've just got to try. Being vulnerable, letting people into our hearts and lives, is scary. And that's not just in dating and relationships. It can be being brave enough to admit you are struggling at work (also something I had to learn this past year.... it's been a time to be alive in the life of Denae haha) or maybe it's strengthening a bond with your parent or child. School, work, home, church, we have relationships EVERYWHERE and being vulnerable in any of them can be terrifying. We have no clue what the outcome will be. We have zero control over other people's choices. But we do control ours.
Maybe you are like me and super scared to open yourself up. I haven't done it yet so I can't give you any solid evidence that it's worth it, but I have a pretty strong inkling that it will be. Even if you fail, or get hurt, it's better than doing nothing. No growth happens inside your comfort zone. I know because I have a dating coach who has shoved me 17 miles outside of my own :)
Whatever it is you are waiting on, shoot your shot. You never know what might come.
Love,
Nae
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