A piece of advice from your happily single friend
I have a few pieces of advice to share that maybe will help others to see my perspective as a happy, single mid twenties YSA living in this wonderful place we call Utah County.
Let's just set some ground work here before I write out my thoughts and feelings. The first one is that I am very much single. Second is that I am in no way shape or form writing things as an excuse to complain to the world about being single.
Last night my amazing roommate and I had this beautiful vulnerable discussion about being happy with being single. During it I said to her, "you know it's just really hard sometimes because I feel like I'm stuck in this weird place where I am so genuinely happy being single but I also have the desire to take those next steps of marriage in my life. And I don't know how to help other people see and understand that balance of how I feel."
These feelings are rather hard to explain and I honestly think they are hard for anyone outside of this type of situation to understand. But I know A LOT of people my age who feel very similar.
Where I live in Utah county there is sometimes a cultural belief that people need to get married young. That it's how life is supposed to be. Now if you have read my blog post about woman and education then you know that I have a different view on that. Not saying that there is anything wrong with getting married young (literally my entire family got married between the ages of 18-24). But there is this thing where it feels like there is no happy answer to how I feel in regards to my relationship status.
Let me give you an example
A dear friend was sharing a story with me where one of her co-workers asked her if she even wanted to get married.
Is there supposed to be a correlation between being happy as a single person meaning that you don't want to get married?
I've felt this way too in my interactions with people. In conversations they will say things along the lines of, well you are so independent that can be intimidating, or how much are you really trying to get married? Things like, you just have to put yourself out there more, or I just don't understand why a happy, pretty girl like you is single! (yes I have had every single one of those things said to me. By a multitude of different people) My personal favorite is, well why not try online dating? It worked for so and so, you just have to give it a try!
Again I know that none of these comments are given with a malicious intent but I can tell you that I don't typically appreciate them. And I would say a good chunk of my single friends would feel the same.
The biggest problem I seem to face is that because I am 100% happy with my life and where I am sometimes people assume that I don't try in dating, or I'm not making marriage a priority.
Let me keep it real with you, OF COURSE I want to get married. I have always dreamed of becoming a mother. But I can't waste away in misery and pain because those things haven't happened in my life yet. Choosing to be happy and independent doesn't mean I don't want to someday depend on someone else. I shouldn't have to feel guilty because I love being single. I shouldn't feel bad about finding joy in my life. Sometimes the comments made in regards to YSA's (and specifically YSA's around my age) make me feel bad about being happy with my life.
So my biggest piece of advice is to remember that your single friends often times do want the happiness found inside of a relationship. But that doesn't mean they aren't happy being themselves. Giving advice and support is essential, but maybe think before you speak.
My life is a happy one. That doesn't mean I don't wish for the next steps. But I'm not going to waste away in sadness or desperation to gain them. I'm going to keep being myself and loving myself long enough to find someone else who loves me too.
Just try and remember that being happy in being single doesn't mean that we don't hope for the white picket fence and pitter patter of little feet running down the hallways. And while your love and support is need and appreciated we aren't something broken that needs to be fixed.
Love always,
Nae
Let's just set some ground work here before I write out my thoughts and feelings. The first one is that I am very much single. Second is that I am in no way shape or form writing things as an excuse to complain to the world about being single.
These feelings are rather hard to explain and I honestly think they are hard for anyone outside of this type of situation to understand. But I know A LOT of people my age who feel very similar.
Where I live in Utah county there is sometimes a cultural belief that people need to get married young. That it's how life is supposed to be. Now if you have read my blog post about woman and education then you know that I have a different view on that. Not saying that there is anything wrong with getting married young (literally my entire family got married between the ages of 18-24). But there is this thing where it feels like there is no happy answer to how I feel in regards to my relationship status.
Let me give you an example
A dear friend was sharing a story with me where one of her co-workers asked her if she even wanted to get married.
Is there supposed to be a correlation between being happy as a single person meaning that you don't want to get married?
I've felt this way too in my interactions with people. In conversations they will say things along the lines of, well you are so independent that can be intimidating, or how much are you really trying to get married? Things like, you just have to put yourself out there more, or I just don't understand why a happy, pretty girl like you is single! (yes I have had every single one of those things said to me. By a multitude of different people) My personal favorite is, well why not try online dating? It worked for so and so, you just have to give it a try!
Again I know that none of these comments are given with a malicious intent but I can tell you that I don't typically appreciate them. And I would say a good chunk of my single friends would feel the same.
The biggest problem I seem to face is that because I am 100% happy with my life and where I am sometimes people assume that I don't try in dating, or I'm not making marriage a priority.
Let me keep it real with you, OF COURSE I want to get married. I have always dreamed of becoming a mother. But I can't waste away in misery and pain because those things haven't happened in my life yet. Choosing to be happy and independent doesn't mean I don't want to someday depend on someone else. I shouldn't have to feel guilty because I love being single. I shouldn't feel bad about finding joy in my life. Sometimes the comments made in regards to YSA's (and specifically YSA's around my age) make me feel bad about being happy with my life.
So my biggest piece of advice is to remember that your single friends often times do want the happiness found inside of a relationship. But that doesn't mean they aren't happy being themselves. Giving advice and support is essential, but maybe think before you speak.
My life is a happy one. That doesn't mean I don't wish for the next steps. But I'm not going to waste away in sadness or desperation to gain them. I'm going to keep being myself and loving myself long enough to find someone else who loves me too.
Just try and remember that being happy in being single doesn't mean that we don't hope for the white picket fence and pitter patter of little feet running down the hallways. And while your love and support is need and appreciated we aren't something broken that needs to be fixed.
Love always,
Nae
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