Alone

Do you ever just feel so incredibly alone? Like I know there are so many people in my life who love me and care for me, but still it just feels, alone.

Do you ever just wonder about that word?

Alone.

I do.

To me it's the worst feeling there is. For a long time I thought that the reason I was feeling so alone was because I wasn't married. But you know, I don't think that's the only reason. I think that everyone feels alone sometimes. Even people who are married and have children.

It's those moments when you just want someone to look at you and let you know that it's all going to be okay. It's not always a supreme sadness, sometimes it's anger. Maybe even a bit of a numbness. But always a feeling deep in the soul.

Alone.

Then I look at my life and I see my amazing parents who would do anything for me. I see siblings who care so much. I hear the cries of Aunt nae! and feel little arms wrapped around me. I go to work and see my amazing co-workers. I listen to the exclamations of Miss Boudreaux! I love it. I find joy in my job, my friends, my family. and yet. It still comes. This feeling of being alone.

It's something that comes not even from my heart, but my soul. It's this feeling deep inside that there is something more for me. I'm just not there yet. It's not always a depressed feeling, although sometimes it can be. It's a longing for something more. 

About a year and a half ago I taught a lesson about the Atonement. I wrote this word, Alone, on the board. I left it there all lesson long. I asked everyone what it meant to them. Then we talked about the Savior. We talked about His life, His ministry, His mission. Near the end of the lesson I wrote a simple phrase over the word,

You are never

alone.

We all get those moments in life when we feel like no one cares. Or even if they do care they just aren't there for us. They have their own lives and problems and don't always have time for ours. And that might be true. Sometimes the people we love here in this mortal world come up short. Because we are exactly that, mortal. But I have to remind myself that there is someone far greater who ALWAYS there. He doesn't always make the pain go away. I don't think that's what life is supposed to be. But I know that when I need Him, He is there.

There is a song by Laura Story that I have grown to love. It's lyrics are simple yet so impactful.

what if your blessings come through raindrops?
What if Your healing comes through tears?
What if a thousand sleepless nights are what it takes to know You're near?
What if trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise?

I often wonder how lonely mortal life must have been for the Savior. No one really understood what was being asked of Him. We can see that through the confusion of the apostles after his Crucifixion. They went back to fishing. In the Garden when He asked them to pray and they fell asleep time after time. How for a moment in the garden even the aide of Heaven left Him. In that moment He was utterly alone. In a way that no one else can possibly comprehend. I believe that because of that moment He never wants any of us to have to experience that pain. He wants us to always remember that if we make the choice to turn to Him, He is right there waiting. 

I love going to different visitors centers and seeing the Christus statue, with His arms open wide. I love to imagine those arms wrapping around me in the most loving embrace. 

I know my Savior lives. I know He loves us. I believe in the healing power of the Atonement. Not just the power to forgive, but to heal. 

This life isn't never easy. It was never supposed to be. Just remember

You are never alone. 

Love,

Nae