Education? Marriage?

I have grown up as a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. I believe in it with all of my heart and soul. But sometimes I struggle.  I don't have a problem with necessarily people, I have an issue with culture. The culture that exists in Utah. Now don't get me wrong, I am an active member of my church. I attend my meetings and all the activities. I know and love many amazing people who live right here in this great state of Utah. But sometimes I think that we confuse doctrine with culture. And that breaks my heart.

Let me give you an example. Young woman and higher education. From the time we are young we are taught that the most important calling we can have in life is to be a wife and a mother. Now don't get me wrong, I do believe that. I believe in the doctrine of the family.

 But God helped me see that things are different than maybe I believed.

Now going to college has never been something that I doubted. I always knew that I would go. But I also have been raised hearing in church that I was supposed to grow up, get married, and raise a family. (again things that I believe in). I decided to go to college somewhere with a 4 to 1 ratio of girls to guys. (at least that's what it was my freshman year) I remember telling one of my young womans leaders I was going to SUU. I will never forget her response. She told me. "there aren't very many boys who go to school there."

my response, "good thing I am going to school for an education, not a husband."

Now I am a sassy strong willed female. I was never going to give up my education for anyone or anything. That's just who I am. That's how I was raised. But real talk here, in the back of my head I wondered all those years of college what if I never get married. At times I listened to the cultural nonsense that told me that I was wrong for putting so much emphasis on my education and not enough on finding a husband. Because while I wanted to get married, I wanted my diploma just as much. And this little voice in the back of my head sometimes wondered, was there something wrong with that? Was I being a bad Mormon?

Now thankfully that little voice wasn't strong enough for me to truly give heed to it. But it was still there. And it shouldn't be. No female should have to wonder something like that.

Thankfully I have a loving Father in Heaven, who understood me. And knew about this little voice in the back of my head. And one Sunday during my senior year of college (when I was feeling especially sorry for my sad single self) He very plainly told me that AT THIS TIME IN MY LIFE my education was more important than a ring on my finger.

That's something that I don't think we teach enough to the youth of the church. Timing. When I received that revelation I felt a massive burden lift from my life. I could feel myself finally seeing past the cultural norms of growing up in Utah and understand that some of the things we think are how life are supposed to go, aren't what God intends them to be.

I cannot tell you how many amazing woman I have known in the past 7 years of my life who have felt pain and sadness because they haven't had the opportunities to get married and have children yet. And that sadness increases because of the culture that we have created here in Utah.

This is just one example, from my life. There are so many others. Some of the things are so ingrained in us we don't even realize it. But they are hurting people we love. Don't misunderstand, doctrine is doctrine. I believe in the doctrines that are taught. But life happens. And it's far from perfect. It often doesn't go the way we want or think that it will. God knows and understands this. I hope that maybe we as members of the church can work a little harder to try and understand that too. To teach doctrine, not culture.

There are so many other examples that fit into this idea, not just young woman and education/careers. My hope is that maybe we can make a change and get rid of those little voices in the back of our heads telling us that we are wrong. That we can always remember who is truly in charge and that He knows and understands us better than we do ourselves. And that when it is all said and done, His opinion of us, not our cultural norms, are what really matter most.


Love,
Nae